Crank-ster

I am cranky today.

It is my day off, after 28 days of intense senior-ing on the wards. A full census of patients always, 11-12 hour days, 31 hour calls...Delving into the depths of darkness of people's lives...Having to be "on" all the time, only receiving criticism no matter how hard I work, pointing out the one thing I missed.

I am cranky today as I think about what needs to be done (cleaning, etc), feeling lonely, feeling like I need to exercise but can't get up the motivation to do it...and feeling like I have to make today count because tomorrow starts another week of insanity: 10am-8pm for 7 days straight, running the VA ER.

I can't feel thankful for my day off today.

I spent some time praying with God. And needed to acknowledge that it is ok for me to feel exhausted. And maybe all I need today is not to meet my own expectations or anyone elses but just to chill out and "be." And I think all this crankiness today has to do with feeling a month's worth of my own un-met needs, as well as falling behind on the needs of others that I have committed myself to...

All that spewing aside, I am going to lay on the couch, and watch TV and ignore everything else that I "have" to do, and maybe that will be the best thing for me...